Missing Link

Who is the missing link? I am ....

This past 2 years has been a very intense roller coaster for me.  I have had some major setbacks in life along with a few breakthroughs.  

One issue is the amount of "screen time" that I give in to.  I have 5 email accounts that I manage (one or two less important than the others), 3 Facebook pages, 2 Pinterest accounts and 2 blogs.  The blogs get no attention at all... one is brand new for my other business and this one that hasn't seen light of day for 2 years.

Let's clarify one thing.  I love yoga.  I love practicing (although I don't as much as I should) and I love teaching.  I love my students and I love having yoga in my life.  BUT... what has happened to me in my life is that because I am teaching yoga as well as running another business with my husband, I now view yoga as a job more than a lifestyle.  Teaching takes time, Facebook takes time, emailing my students take time, coordinating schedules and workshops takes time... and blogging takes time. Sadly, the last of those has died a slow death.

I recently re-read a fantastic book by Carl Honore titled "In Praise of Slowness: How a Worldwide Movement  is Changing the Cult of Speed".  I read this book in the early 2000's and loved it.  This past few weeks I had an epiphany and was led to find another copy and immerse myself it in again.  What was most fascinating to me is that this book had the same if not more profound effect on me than the first time I read it. Why? Simply because my life is that much more out of control now.  My first go-round turning the pages was inspiring, however I had ONE job, it was not my own business (I was working for "the man")  I was in a stable relationship with no kids (except an amazing dog... RIP Radar) and a pretty effortless life.  Fast forward to today:  I own 2 businesses, have a fantastic husband and 2 very cool stepchildren, 2 1/2 cats (the stray cat whores around the neighborhood so I can't honestly claim her as ours), some legal issues, aging parents, and a few undesirable individuals who meander around my life causing grief.  

Waa waa, boo hoo.  I know, I know... My point is that this book reminded me how our society and culture has forced us into a devastating life of speed.  We can't and don't take time to slow down and chill.  What is scary is that this book is now approx. 10 years old and the words resonate the same, just louder.  It has made me take a step back and look at my life from the outside instead of inside my frenetic brain.  Either way it is pretty scary stuff.

The result is that I am going to streamline several things in my life.  My first step after reading the first chapter was to unplug as much as possible.  I have avoided my personal Facebook page for 4 days now and I haven't died.  I have only checked to see if there were any messages in the little "voice bubble" as a few people I communicate with do so only through FB and to post one or two things on my business pages, because that is my job.  

My next step is to eliminate checking my email accounts every 30 seconds.  I have all accounts linked to my smartphone so I roll from one to the next over and over like a continuous barrel only to realize... there are no new emails and my neck is stiff.  

There are other thoughts and ideas rolling through my brain but these are the most significant that will have the quickest and (I think) most dramatic impact on my life.  I have always been a creative individual and all of my energy has been channeled into work, family....and some sort of electronic device.  As Metallica says "Sad But True". 

I have decided that since I have neglected this particular blog for so long that this will be my last full post here.  One thing this has sparked is the realization that I enjoy (and miss) writing so I am going to channel my written energy into a new blog that will cover a multitude of topics.  The blog is set up, however I have not given it my attention as I need to close some doors and mend some fences first.  I plan to post the link here in the next week.

I still love yoga but my energy in yoga needs to stay focused on my students, my self, and my breath.  There are more than enough blogs, magazines, books and web sites out there covering the last 3000-5000 years of yoga, so I think the topic is covered.

For those of you who have supported me in any capacity I greatly appreciate it and hope to see you on my journey ahead.

Namaste xo

Yoga for normal people (if there is such a thing!)

Why would anyone possibly want to try yoga?

“I’m too old”, “I’m not flexible enough”, “Yoga is for girls”, “I’m overweight”, “My balance is terrible”, “It’s religious”, “I can’t touch my toes”, “I’m not interested in twisting myself into a pretzel”, “Yoga is too slow for me”… sigh… so why try anything in life for that matter?

So before I go into the depths of why you should try yoga, let me attack just a few of the above quotes with some short & sassy answers.

“I’m too old”- my classes consist of ages 20-82… they might move slow but they’re movin’!

“I’m not flexible enough”- Um… that’s WHY you NEED yoga!!!

“My balance is terrible”- see above or in other words, “Wash, Rinse, Repeat”

“Yoga is for girls”- just try one “all levels” class Mister, I dare you… read on...

Hang on!!!!

Ah the new year! I say that like it was yesterday... okay maybe a month or so ago but hey, better late than never!

Since my last post I've gotten married, had some amazing holidays and lost my FT job.

The highs trump the lows any day but it's the lows that actually keep us fresh and exciting in life. I didn't say I enjoyed them, but how we handle them and react to them is truly a testament of who we really are.

The last 3 weeks have been stunning. Since the loss of my job, I have gone through an emotional roller coaster that I didn't think I'd get on again... and I LOVE roller coasters! The lows came & went but it's the chance for new opportunity that keeps me on top of the first scary hill.

I now have an amazing opportunity to grow my yoga business into the career path I've always wanted and it is coming my way quickly. I've taken on 3 new classes and have been approached about an amazing private lesson opportunity... all in that same 3 week period.

So goody for me... BUT what has really impressed me is how I have handled my wish for REVENGE. My situation for losing my job is a very messy, legal battle that will most likely continue on for what could be the next few weeks or even months....which has conjured up a very old me...

I've had all of those conversations in my head that most likely will never happen... I've sent all of those emails in my head that I will never write, I've done some pretty devious things in my head all of which will never occur... BUT, those thoughts gave me little delusions of grandeur that held there own at the time.

On the flip side I have convinced myself that the more professional I handle this situation, the better... and as I hear more and more reports of what chaos has ensued since my absence, I know that the old saying "you make your bed" is actually applying working its magic.

I had a yoga teacher last year use teach us the mantra "these thoughts mean nothing to me". I loved it when I heard it and I use it often. It's the perfect mantra when the mind is out of control and the good old breath work just isn't enough. This recent life experience has just ramped up the mantras value to me.

So what exactly does that mean? Well, as I think about the conversation, the emails, and the devious things, I remind myself "These thoughts mean nothing to me" because as they happen, my blood pressure rises, my heart races, my pupils dilate, and my breath quickens... all for the purpose... of nothing. There is no gain, no reward, no hip-hip-hooray as these things all race through my mind. They affect me negatively and are simply a product of my environment. In other words... they are not real.... they are only thoughts.... thoughts that I control with myself and no one else.

So as I sit here and type, I know that my husband and I will continue having conversations about the situation, but my flavor for revengeful thoughts will quickly go bland. My life has become far more exciting, my approach more relaxed, my world less stressed, and all because...

These Thoughts Mean Nothing To Me.

Namaste

Busy-Ness

I am realizing lately that my "newish" life is far different than my "old" life.

I have 2 gorgeous step-children that live with me 50% of the time, an amazing fiancee', a cat that wakes me up at dumb hours of the morning, one full-time job that occasionally requires weekend work madness, and I teach 7 yoga classes a week.

In summary, I'm tired..... tired of all of the busy-ness.

I have never heard the word "business" broken down that way until I took my teacher training. But in fact, that is what the word means. Busy Ness.

Kind of like Loch Ness but it's proven to be real.

I'm not the only yoga instructor in the world, or the only parent, or person who works a crap-load of hours... but it is a vast difference between my life in Chicago where it was just me and a 12lb. dog that didn't require much more than a walk or two a day & some kibbles at the required time.

What has got me the most crazy is the residual garbage. I find that while technology is awesome and amazing, it is filling up my time with more than originally planned. The Internet is great but I'm a little sick of it. Facebook is great but I've never felt the need to fill a second of my time in Farmville....or "checking in" where I am so that all the world can find me at any given moment. Making videos & books online is great but my eyes can't take it anymore. ...and today I heard the best... beware of 'Toasted Skin Syndrome"... what the hell is that you ask? It is what happens to your legs/hips/lap from the heat of your laptop being there too damn long.

HOW DID WE GET THIS WAY!!!???

I woke up this morning & thought, what if someone called me like they did in 1975 and got (GASP) a busy signal? It would be a sign that I was BUSY!!!! They might be a little ticked if it was important, but they would hang-up, go on their merry way, and call back later. Today, all systems we have are GO, therefore it is almost impossible to ignore someone without our programmed minds thinking, "where are they? why aren't they answering? I lost my signal, do you call me or do I call you? oops, while I was calling you, you were texting me!!!"... AAUGHHHH!!!!

Sadly, I have been all of those people... but feel the need to change.

I've recently realized that while not having a land line is great & one less bill, it poses a problem for the kids. What if someone needs to dial 911??? Where is the phone? On the flip side of that, God forbid I leave my phone accidentally in my car or on vibrate, my family might freak if they call me 5 times and I don't answer the phone!!!

Phew... okay enough whining about the phone, but we've all been there, and the younger generation (I sound old now) is totally (and not in the totally-like-gag-me-with-a-spoon valley girl kind of way) used to this. It is normal. Forget manners; talk as loud as you want, wherever you want, and don't worry, I am truly happy to hear about your most intimate, personal escapades while trying to enjoy my dinner or shopping.... I'm just saying.

So today for the first time, I told someone on the phone, "I appreciate you sending me your contact information but can I sound old school for a minute and ask you to MAIL me a business card?" He laughed and obliged without hesitation by saying "yeah, I get a minimum of 45 emails a day so I completely understand". I'm sadly thinking "that's all?"....

When it's time to log in, I am like an auto-pilot. LOG INTO PERSONAL ACCOUNT-CHECK/LOG INTO BUSINESS ACCOUNT-CHECK/LOG INTO PERSONAL FACEBOOK PAGE-CHECK/LOG INTO BUSINESS FACEBOOK PAGE-CHECK...and I find that I do this so frequently that I will log out of one & log into the other one until I realize that I've already looked at that one, or did I? or was it the other one? or which email has his/her/their email address in it???

Oh I suppose you techies are thinking, "shut the f---- up and just sync all of your accounts together!"... but the point is, I DON'T WANT TO LIVE LIFE THIS WAY!!! My yoga head says "just let go, just be in the present moment, just.... oh shut up yoga head"

Okay, time to slow the heart rate down.... I am happy that we have the technology that we have, but we have become a society obsessed. I personally have shifted this past year and notice a huge difference between old life "Woo hoo, I LOVE the Internet/IPhone/computer" to new life, "holy crap I am sick of looking at a screen".

My solution to this is to make myself slow down technologically. So here is my check list.

1) I am going to write someone a letter instead of an email, because who doesn't like getting a letter?

2) I am going to NOT use my phone in the car to check anything unless I am pulled over and it is vitally necessary

3) I am going to limit how many times I check my email & FB page each day

4) I will look something up in a phone book if I need to (HA HA just kidding!... I have my limits

Okay and even if I still want to love my Ipod as I am am music junkie, this is my attempt at adopting part of what is now called "The Slow Movement" or as I will affectionately refer to it as "Kickin' it 1975 Style".

Now I'm going to make a call... on my rotary dial phone.

Long time gone

I think too many moons have passed since my last post so here I am.
Not to talk about ME but my life is a little crazy which is why it took so long to get back on track. I have picked up 7 classes to teach, I'm planning a wedding on a short engagement, work full-time, and are STILL learning how to be a stepmom.... there, the short version.
What I have found to be one of the most challenging things about all of this is the lack of time for myself. I spend 24/7 running around town, doing all of these jobs, then come home and barely have time to breath. The end result is I have no yoga practice of my own and I'm a bit short, crabby, and my mind goes 100 MPH into nowhere.
Sometimes we need a little kick start... a kick in the ass if you will. This past week I attended a 5 day Mysore Ashtanga workshop. Every morning I drug myself out of bed to arrive for yoga at 7:00 am. Now this may not seem early to most of you but I am not a morning person, I am a night owl Combine this with the fact that my body ages about 10 years overnight, everynight and I am a stiff, morning, crab ass.
My workshop was with David Keil, an amazing instructor of Ashtanga Yoga, Kinesiology AND a certified massage and neuromuscular therapist from Miami. This guy KNOWS anatomy inside and out.
I won't recap the entire week but here are the Cliff notes... We began slowing learning the vinyasa flow of the primary series and each day, then added in more poses each day. I should mention that 5 days is not enough time to learn the entire flow. As with all yoga, it is a lifelong practice.
By day 3 I was so sore that I walked into the room and thought, "ugh, I have NO interest in being here". Once I left, I had pushed through a lot of the soreness which made the rest of the week much more bearable.
David does some pretty deep adjustments, however knows the body well enough to know how far or how shallow to push each student. I was pushed, and pushed, and twisted, and pushed some more!... lucky me....
The workshop ended yesterday and what I am observing today is that my body feels regenerated, refreshed, (still a little sore) but more open and aware. My mind is clearer, and less cluttered. My breath work is more focused and stable.
I am looking forward to not only continuing on to learn the Ashtanga series, but adding a lot of what I learned into the classes I teach in Hatha Yoga. So there, not only do I benefit but so do my students (or they might hate me for a while!).
This has opened me up to realizing that I need to take some time for myself each and every day as we all do. Not matter how busy we are, we are no good without being clear headed, healthy, and emotionally able to handle what comes our way.
As I'm struggling to find a final thought, I realize that I have to just come back to basics and quote my tag line....
"Find yourself and love what you find" - me

Check out David's web site at www.yoganatomy.com

In the moment

I had to go to the ER Tuesday afternoon for some pretty rough abdominal pains. I'll try not to ramble too much about this but I was there 8 HOURS in total.

Now, keep in mind, I was hurting but not on my death bed. I've had some other health issues that I thought were contributing to the pain and when it got so bad that I was doubled over, it was time to go.

Upon check in I was sent to the RTA (rapid treatment area) where I was not allowed to bring anyone in which meant my boyfriend had to wait in the main area while I was being treated. I had my blood taken, talked to a doctor & was then shuffled to another internal waiting area for, oh, about 5 more hours (had x-rays squeezed in there somewhere) before being taken to the MAIN ER!!!

Upon my arrival there, I overhead a Dr.. talking about me and how I spent 6 hours in RTA and that my file had been misplaced.... excellent. So much for rapid treatment and efficiency.

More tests, blah blah blah, my diagnosis... and I was released...at 11:00 pm... arrival time 3:00 pm. Let me remind you... 8 HOURS!!!

Now why blog about this? Because after 5-6 hours I was ready to rip my IV out and go screaming down the hall, not to mention the half dozen or so times I was on the verge of tears, simply out of frustration.

This was definitely an experiment in self-realization as several times I had to take an internal look at myself and think, "Breathe.... take a few breaths and think yogic".

We yogi's and yogini's talk so much about living in the moment, being present, and letting go, yet we are just as vulnerable as everyone else and let things get the best of us.... it all comes down to how we CHOOSE to react.

I felt my heart rate go up, my body shaking & myself getting so edgy I thought I could literally jump out of my skin. However, even through the frustration I told myself, "Okay, so let me live in the moment... as sucky as this is, I am meant to be here... if not for my health reasons, then to simply be... here... occupying this space, encountering these people and taking care of my health. Plus, what happens if I do rip out the IV and leave? What if I start to bitch, moan & complain at the top of my lungs to anyone who will listen? Well, I'll be pissed-off, frustrated, angry, crabby AND I'll still be sick tomorrow and have to start all over again.... Breathe..."

Does that mean I enjoyed it? No. Does that mean I want to do it again? Hell no. But number one, I found out what was wrong with me and it needed to be dealt with (not life threatening by the way, just a pain... literally) and number two, I took the time to reflect inside myself during a junky situation...

and practice Yoga

xo

Act your age... or not

This week was spring break. The first of many to come for me as a new step mom.
I decided at the last minute to take them to one of my yoga classes and teach a "kids themed" class.
Now keep in mind, I teach adult classes. So Wednesday I announced that I would be teaching this class w/the kids and for everyone to please come join in the fun. As apprehensive as I thought they might be... I had a full house.
At the beginning of practice I had all of the adults chose what age they would be during the hour, but they had to be under the age of 11. I must admit that I was shocked at how much participation and fun everyone, including myself, had.
When was the last time you made a noise like a cow? Meowed like a cat? A dog? Did the Tarzan call and pounded your chest???
I had a group ranging in age from 9 to (my estimated guess) of early 70's and EVERYONE gave out a beautiful Tarzan call to the wild.
We get stuck in our adult lives, doing adult things, and having to feel like we are supposed to "act like an adult" shortly after our teens are over.
As I watch the kids grow, I realize the flow of life shift so dramatically but in the weirdest way. These kids are just beginning to worry about fitting in, being cool, wearing and looking a certain way, and being a part of the group. It is only when we become adults that we sometimes take the flip side of that and realize it's okay to be different (um... thank you Lady Gaga).
Being a kid can be complex, yet innocent and being an adult just seems to be, well, complex. We take the innocent out for the sake of adulthood and usually forget to put it back in.
While adult life is serious and we have to be responsible, go to work, pay our bills, and raise our children, we should not forget how to laugh, play, and have fun.
I felt amazing after yesterday's class... simply because I knew that I had brought a sense of innocence and fun back to a small group of adults... a feeling that some or all of them may have lost through the years.
So this weekend, no matter how old you are, fat you think you are, depressed you might feel, tired, sore, lazy, too busy, whatever... take just 5 minutes to run around in your yard, on your street, or in your house and act like a child. Play a game of tag, hide & seek, or Red Rover... laugh, fall, RUN, and get yourself moving like a kid... for today, right now, is your moment to LIVE ...and living includes... having fun.